Walking Out of the Fog

The message men often hear is that there is something inherently defective in the male character. Many men today feel discouraged, devalued, and demoralized. 

Like all of us, men tend to live up—or down—to the expectations placed on them. 

Boys are performing worse than girls at all levels of education. […] Men are more likely than women to be homeless, to suffer mental illness, to wind up in prison, to commit suicide, to be murdered, to be addicted to drugs or alcohol. Men’s workforce participation has dropped to Depression-era levels.

In recent years, men’s life expectancy has even gone down, while women’s has remained the same. The New Scientist says, “Being male is now the single largest demographic factor for early death.”

Nancy Pearcey
The Toxic War on Masculinity: How Christianity Reconciles the Sexes

A Manhood That Works

What does it mean to be a man? The answer used to be clear. But times have changed, and today many men are confused. They don’t know what’s expected of them. They lack purpose. And they’re disconnected from a larger vision of manhood.

Many drift through life in a manhood “fog.” Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Without a True North, men feel lost, rudderless. With no guide to follow, they’re left to answer life’s most important questions alone.

In our culture, we see the rise of a “weightless” manhood. Or as C.S. Lewis put it in The Abolition of Man:

We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.

The world looks very different than it did two generations ago. The lines between male and female roles have blurred. Marriage is in decline. Cohabitation is rising. Most children born to moms under 30 are born outside of marriage. Sexual norms have changed, and gender is seen as fluid. The ground is shifting, and many men are asking, “Where do I stand?”

Is there a vision of manhood that works in today’s world? One that’s rooted, reliable, and life-giving? Can men find their way out of the fog and into a purpose worth living for?

That’s what Sean Robertson was searching for.

Something More

When he was younger, Sean attended Men’s Fraternity, a men’s study created by Pastor Robert Lewis. He couldn’t fully articulate why, but it spoke to something deep inside him. 

Over the years, he had been part of different men’s groups. He enjoyed them, but he wanted something more. “I wanted something where men could be ‘raw and real’ with one another. Something that would stoke the fire and challenge the warrior in a man,” Sean says. “God created us to be in battle for Him and to engage without fear because His Spirit is in us. To embrace the fight for manhood. Full armor.”

Around that time, Sean’s pastor invited him to visit Downline, a program designed to equip believers to know God’s Word and make disciples. After visiting, Sean was hooked. He signed up for the year-long course. 

At the last session, his instructor gave everyone a challenge: Pray about who God is calling you to disciple.

“My heart was burdened for men,” Sean says. When a friend told him to check out an interview with Robert Lewis talking about his latest project, BetterMan, Sean was intrigued. He saw an opportunity and signed up to lead a group.

However, he had two problems. He had no men and no place to meet.

Sean prayed and God provided twelve men to do BetterMan with him. The group was a mix of men at different stages and walks in life. Recent high school graduates. Men in recovery. Businessmen. Men who hadn’t been to church in a long time. Sean thought the dynamic was perfect. “It demonstrated God’s power and creativity, just like the disciples Jesus called.”

They wanted to meet somewhere that didn’t feel like church. “We needed a place with a good vibe,” he says. One of the men pitched an idea: “I know a guy that we just built a barn for.” The moment Sean stepped inside the barn, he knew it was the right place.

The Barn

For twelve weeks, the group met every Tuesday morning at 5:30. People must have wondered what the men were doing in that barn so early, but it was really about what God was doing. The men shared things they’d never shared. Experienced breakthroughs. Confessed sin. Prayed for one another. Learned to forgive. Found freedom and real identity, many for the first time.

Before the last session, Sean remembered his Downline instructor’s challenge. Sean challenged each man: Go and find another guy to join you for another group.

Tom was part of the second group. Years earlier, he got burned by the church and refused to ever step foot inside of one again. But a friend invited him, and to everyone’s surprise, Tom agreed to come.

At first, he was quiet and distant. “Tom might have been there, but not all of him,” Sean says.

That changed at the third meeting. The evening’s format was different. There was no teaching and discussion. The men shared a meal together. After dinner, they split into table groups, and each man shared his life story. 

“At first, Tom was resistant to the idea. But he had to share. There was no way out of it.” Once he started sharing, the dam broke. “Tom poured his heart out to those guys. On the way home he had to pull over to the side of the road to just sob. He was so overcome with emotion.”

God was working on Tom. His relationships with his wife and daughter changed. He re-engaged in church community. He’s led multiple BetterMan groups and currently disciples other men. 

Mark also joined one of the groups. He told Sean that BetterMan helped him define the kind of man he was made to be. “His wife saw the change,” Sean says. “One day she came up to me and asked, ‘What are you doing with my husband?’” 

To date, seven groups have gone through BetterMan. Everyone has noticed the change in the men, including their wives. “Where’s BetterWoman?” they asked. So, Sean’s church, Holland Chapel, established Real Woman with groups meeting weekly now.

No Empty Booths

A few years ago, Sean began meeting two graduates of BetterMan at a local restaurant at 6:00 a.m. to continue their journey together. The rhythm eventually became a ministry called Verses. “It’s simple,” Sean says. “We break bread, get in the Word, and sharpen iron. One guy picks the verse, we study it during the week, and he shares a story of how it’s impacted him. Then we walk through it together and talk about how to apply it.”

The group grew. One day, Sean said, “Wouldn’t it be great if God filled the whole restaurant with men for Verses?” That’s exactly what happened. Eventually, the restaurant’s manager told them they were breaking the fire code and crowding out other customers. So, the group moved to the farmer’s market in downtown Benton. Today, there are additional Verses groups in Bryant, Arkadelphia, and North Little Rock.

“These stories are just the tip of the iceberg,” Sean says. “There are so many more I could share about other men.”

It all started with a simple desire: something more for men. With each step of obedience, God made a path for Sean and the men who followed. And it changed them.

One Community Away

All around us are men who feel lost and confused. But many of them hunger for more, for something real. Some chose to re-engage. To lean in. Men who were one community away from transformation and found it. That’s what makes stories like Sean’s so powerful. 

We’re grateful for churches in our network that are investing in men. For men’s groups calling them into a manhood that’s rooted, reliable, and life-giving. For the mentors guiding younger men. For the husbands and fathers who show up every day to love and lead like Jesus.

To churches that may not yet have something specific for men, we invite you to ask: “How can we help men grow into who God made them to be?” The answer isn’t just about doing more. It’s about seeing the opportunities right in front of you. They’re there. It’s about being intentional with men and giving them a clear vision of manhood. 

When they have it, it changes everything. And we all benefit.

Something is Happening

Recent data gives us reason to hope. Barna’s State of the Church 2025 report reveals a significant spiritual resurgence among young adults, especially young men. Since 2021, commitment to Jesus among U.S. adults has jumped from 54% to 66%, representing nearly 30 million more people who now say Jesus is central to their lives.

Gen Z men have experienced a 15-point rise in commitment since 2019. Millennial men report a 19-point increase. In a reversal of long-standing trends, young men are now more likely than young women to say they follow Jesus.

Barna CEO David Kinnaman says, “We are seeing interest in Jesus that is growing among those who do not otherwise describe themselves as Christians, indicating that many of the new followers of Jesus are not just ‘recycled’ believers. Along with younger generations coming to Jesus, this is another strong sign that interest in Jesus is brewing in new population segments of society.”

God is moving. Men are waking up. Their hearts are open. 

The fog is lifting.

For more information about BetterMan, visit betterman.com. For more information about Verses, visit versesconnect.com.

Note: The section “A Manhood That Works” was adapted from Session 1 of BetterMan | Core.