Surprised by What I Found
The doctor looked at me and said, “I have to admit I was surprised by what I found.” When I heard those words, I was taken aback.
A month earlier, I’d attended my routine cardiology appointment. It seemed routine, including the echocardiogram they recommended after five years since my last one. “We’ll call if there are any concerns,” the nurse said.
Two weeks later, while on vacation with my daughters and their families, I got a call. The doctor had seen something unclear and wanted me to undergo a heart catheterization. They scheduled it for my birthday, more than a month away. The wait actually gave me some peace. If they were truly concerned, wouldn’t they have moved faster?
An opportunity came to do it earlier, and I jumped at it. Who wants a heart cath on their birthday? Though mildly sedated, I remained awake throughout the 30-minute procedure. I’ll never forget the doctor’s first words to me afterward: “I have to admit I was surprised at what I found. You had a 99% blockage in your LAD artery (the widowmaker). I put in a stent and saved your life today.”
I was more than surprised. I was shocked and grateful. I immediately thanked the doctor and praised God for His grace and mercy, but it took longer to fully process the implications of what had just happened. When my wife Carolyn received the report, she cried.
Since that day, I have reflected deeply on what might have occurred had I not undergone that heart check-up. I’ve imagined the impact it could have had on my family, friends, and life’s work. It has deepened my relationship with God and strengthened my determination, not just to improve my heart health, but to focus on something equally important.
Just as good heart health is essential for a vibrant life, healthy relationships are vital for flourishing families, churches, and communities. At the heart of these relationships is marriage.
Marriage Matters to God
Genesis 1:27-28 says God created man and woman in his image to be fruitful and multiply. He created us to reflect the love relationship between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Marriage is God’s means for His creation to bear children and multiply. It’s true that marriage can bring great joy and satisfaction. But it is also true that God created it as a sign of a greater reality to come.
In his letter to the Church in Ephesus, the Apostle Paul looks back to Genesis but adds that marriage is a great mystery. Marriage is to be an illustration of the relationship of Christ and His Church. This mystery is only possible through Jesus Christ.
Christopher West, in Our Bodies Tell God’s Story, writes, “the gift of Christ’s body on the cross gives definitive prominence to the spousal meaning of God’s love.” In fact, from beginning to end, in the mysteries of our creation, fall, and redemption, the Bible tells a covenant story of marital love. It begins in Genesis with the marriage of the first man and woman, and it ends in Revelation with the marriage of Christ and the church. And these spousal “bookends” provide the key for understanding all that lies between. Indeed, we can summarize all of Sacred Scripture with five simple yet astounding words: God wants to marry us.
Marriage matters because it is intended to powerfully communicate the gospel of Christ’s sacrificial love.
Marriage Matters for Children and Families
Research confirms what God’s word teaches and what our culture once assumed: marriage is better for everyone, especially children.
Melissa Kearney, author of The Two-Parent Privilege, writes: “Marriage is the most reliable institution for delivering a high level of resources and long-term stability to children.” After studying poverty, inequality, and family structure for nearly 25 years, she writes with confidence that “the decline in marriage and the corresponding rise in one-parent homes has contributed to economic insecurity, has widened the gap in opportunities for children, and today poses challenges we cannot afford to ignore—but may not be able to reverse.”
Brad Wilcox, in Get Married, presents compelling research on the importance of healthy marriages for community flourishing:
From our nation’s growing happiness divide to surging deaths of despair to the stagnant state of the American Dream—questions of marriage and family are often better predictors of outcomes for people than the topics that currently dominate our public conversation—like race, education, and government spending. Likewise, having the benefit of a family headed by stably married parents, where both parents are on hand to love you day in, day out, share life’s joys and frustrations, and devote their combined financial resources to your home, your extracurriculars, and your schooling ends up being the ultimate privilege for the millions of today’s boys and girls across America who are fortunate enough to grow up in an intact family.
Marriage Matters for Our Churches
In Deuteronomy 6:4-7, God’s people are instructed to love the Lord God with all their heart, and they are to teach his ways to their children. In Ephesians 6:4, Paul instructs fathers to teach their children. We are likely familiar with these and other passages. It makes sense that children need both their dad and mom in the home, and recent studies confirm that having both in the home is important for the Church as well.
In recent years, there has been a rapid growth in what are called the “nones,” those once connected with a church but no longer report an affiliation with a church. Recent studies, such as The National Study on Relationships and Faith, conducted by Communio, confirm what has been reported for years by scholars such as Mary Eberstadt in How the West was Lost and Carl Zimmerman in Family and Civilization. J.P. De Gance of Communio summarizes it this way: “The collapse in marriage and the resulting decline of resident fatherhood may offer the best explanation for the decline of Christianity in the United States.”
Scripture has revealed it, history has recorded it, and modern social science has confirmed it: healthy marriages are vital for flourishing families.
What Churches Can Do
In 2022, Arkansas had the highest divorce rate in the nation, 67% higher than the national average. Today, 1 in 2 children in our state grows up without both parents at home. These aren’t just statistics. They’re real circumstances with profound consequences for real people. Given the challenge we face in the breakdown of marriage, what can we do?
There is hope. Our hope is in Christ, and when His Body works together, we can see significant transformation. So, what can we do?
First, we can pray. We call out to the God who has created marriage for His purposes. In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus teaches us to pray “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” We can pray with confidence for marriages because healthy marriages are His will. We also know that when communities pray together and when spouses pray together, relationships are strengthened, our purposes are aligned with God’s, and marriages are strengthened.
Download the “Praying for Marriage Prayer Guide”
Second, we can prioritize teaching the first principles of marriage to everyone in our churches, in age-appropriate ways. We need to teach the theological importance of marriage—the biblical why—to adolescents and adults. We need to teach the knowledge and skills to build healthy relationships. And we must view teaching as more than transmitting information. The Great Commission says to teach them to “observe” or “obey” everything Jesus commanded. Another word for this is “training.” We need to model and teach our children.
Finally, we can unite together. Transforming the institution of marriage is more than any one church can do alone. It’s for this reason that CityChurch Network is a network partner in the Arkansas Marriage Initiative (AMI).
AMI is a collaborative effort of churches, non-profit organizations, businesses, and government working together to strengthen the institution of marriage by increasing the number of healthy marriages in Arkansas through:
- Increasing the marriage rate and the number of married households
- Reducing the divorce rate, and
- Increasing the number of children living in married households.
We’re excited to see a growing number of churches becoming AMI Church Partners, bringing the hope of Christ into marriages.
The Arkansas Marriage Challenge
One upcoming AMI event is The Arkansas Marriage Challenge. Awakened by the importance of marriage and the challenges our state faces, we’re inviting couples to take one specific action this February 7-14 to strengthen their marriage.
You can strengthen your marriage and the institution of marriage in our state by:
- Going on a date with your spouse
- Signing up to attend a marriage/healthy relationship class
- Getting a marriage check-up
These are all established best practices for strengthening marriages, but I want to say a special word about the marriage check-up. Remembering the difference a heart check-up made in potentially saving my life, what difference could a timely marriage check-up have in saving a marriage? According to Dr. John Gottman, couples wait an average of six years before getting help.
This year, Carolyn and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary. God has given us a wonderful marriage, but we aren’t perfect. We want to keep growing. Believing in the importance of a regular couple check-up, we recently met with a trained Prepare/Enrich facilitator at our church and took a couples assessment. It offered specific areas where we can continue to grow.
Together, we can change the story of marriage in families, our churches, our cities, and our state!
Visit arkansasmarriage.com to join the Arkansas Marriage Challenge and find an opportunity near you.
